I am spending my child support on dildos
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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