It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
