things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize