so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
