Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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