dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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