I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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