I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
