can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
