Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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