Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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