You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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