More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
