god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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