be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize