bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
