Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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