Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
