My friends, they love my intelligence
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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