So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
