There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
last night I used snow as a chaser
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
