he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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