how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
