Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
