Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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