the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
