i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
