Where is the hickey?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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