I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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