Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
