come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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