maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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