my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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