it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
