Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
