im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
