This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
