I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
