I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
