i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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