You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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