Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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