I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
