Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize