well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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