there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
