Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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