Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
