im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize