Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
We got so high we made milksteak
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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