Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
