Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
