I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
