8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
