some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
