Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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