Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she smelled like a LAN party
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize
