I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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