she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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