Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
