at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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