when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
