No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
