just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
