I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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