i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
