Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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