Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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