Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
it was like eating out sand paper
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
