I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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