there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
