I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize