everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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