It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
