she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
