Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize