I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
