And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
