Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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