I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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