just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
