i just wanna soil my oats bro
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
