pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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