Are we in a gay sports bar?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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