I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
