explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
