Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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