This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
