Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
