He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I wish you could order shots online.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
