I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
