yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
