i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
