I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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