Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
