she was so not down for the gang bang
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I need water and some morals
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
