just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
