whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
