You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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