I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
50% drunk capacity currently
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
