Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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