Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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